Exhaustion

I didn’t realize how exhausting writing a book would be.  And I understand exhaustion, as a midwife I’ve gone days without sleep.  This is a different exhaustion.  I’m laying it all out in this book. This is not the fun birth story book that I’m looking forward to writing one day.  Or the adventures of motherhood and midwife life.  No, it is not one of those fun light hearted reads, but a book about my life.  A book about things I have never spoken to anyone about, even on my podcast, where I am an open book.
I’m trying to put to words feelings that I have not had to describe before.  Events that bring tears to my eyes, but I write them anyways.  

Why?  In hopes that my story will bring clarity and understanding and help someone else walk in to freedom.  Sometimes…. in order to get to the beautiful amazing freedom part….we have to talk about the yuck..the messy.. and the gut wrenching parts. 

I’m so thankful I have a beautiful relationship with my creator and am drenched in love as I am recovering… but in the moment, the emotions, the memories, the feelings…they are exhausting.

 It will be worth it in the end…but in the mean time… I’m going to need extra naps, lots of good cuddles, beautiful sunrises and delicious coffee….lots of delicious coffee.